


Somebody Catch My Breath

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurry's parts are set off in parentheses, Blurryface sucks, Gen, It ends kind of happy though I guess, Mental illness (specifically depression), Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, see my end notes for personal thoughts, sorry for my sad shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4190292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't let me be gone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody Catch My Breath

The hardest times for Tyler was in the middle of the night. It's bad while they're on tour and there's nothing keeping him from sneaking into the bathroom that's conveniently stocked with allergy medications and shaving razors, but it's even worse when he's at home; when he's at home, he's got his wife to think about. Sure, he thinks about his bandmate and his fans, but they're like a dull buzz in the back of his mind when he's staring at the pills in his hand or at the razor lying in a bloody puddle on the floor. But here, in the quiet of his home, he can't bring himself to do anything when he knows that she's a room away. He can't hurt her, and he can't even hurt him either. Jenna and Josh have been his anchors in the storm, the calm eye in this hurricane, and he can't disappoint them now. 

(Yes you can.) That voice is back, the one he calls Blurryface. Blurry's a real pain in the ass, always telling Tyler he isn't good enough or that he should die. And frankly? Tyler's had enough. He wants to be better, and the new album that's going to be released in a week is his not-so-subtle cry for help. Luckily, he knows Josh has listened and Jenna will hear it, and they'll help him. Until then, it's just a matter of whether of not he'll beat Blurry for the night. 

(You can't beat me Tyler, you know you can't. You're ugly, you're worthless, you're useless, and you're alone. Pick up that pill bottle, or that razor, or walk to that one bridge near your house and end it. Make life easier for everyone and just die.) 

"Shut up shut up shut up shutupshutupsutupsHUTUPSHUTUP!" Tyler hears himself scream right before he slumps to the ground, holding his head in his hands and fighting back the tears. He's so scared. He knows that the voice is right, but he is so, so scared of dying. But doesn't he deserve it? He's a burden, a source of pity for his friends and family, and he should just be gone. It'd be kinder for everyone. He picks up the bottle and uncaps the lid, ready to empty the pills into his hand when he hears someone knocking on the door. 

"Tyler, honey? Are you alright? I heard you yell and I wasn't sure if something happened." Jenna sounds worried, like she cares. 

Good. She cares. They all care, he knows they do somewhere inside him. They care they care they care. 

"I'm fine, just tripped. I'm coming out now, hold on." He puts the lid back on the bottle and puts it back where it belongs and opens the door, putting on a smile for his dime-piece wife. She smiles back and reaches up to peck a kiss on his cheek, her hand taking his. 

"Good. Now come on back to bed, Josh is coming over in the morning, remember?"

As she leads him back to their bed, Tyler feels victorious. Blurry lost again, and he would keep losing. Tyler wasn't going to let himself be gone. Not now. Not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna admit, this was hard for me to write, but it's been a tough night tonight and I had to do something to get these feelings off my chest and my mind off of things, so here's my depressing emotion-dump. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts and actions in the past, and I'll admit that I'm still struggling with my mental illnesses and self-harm, so this fic is very much me just venting. Poor Tyler, I guess it's easy to take it out through him or something? Anyways, I'm sorry if this is depressing, but it's not like I'm going to write some cutesy shit that romanticizes wanting to die or using it as a plot-piece, because it's nasty when people do that and have no idea what it feels like. Be well aware that Jenna doesn't save Tyler, he saves himself, just like every person who struggles with these kinds of things has to do. Thanks for reading, and sorry if this is upsetting to people, I'll try and tag it best I can.


End file.
